Monday, January 21, 2008

What's in a name?

My wife, bless her soul, likes the NFL Draft.

Well, not really. But since she's forced to watch it, what she really likes is the crazy suits—the more pimptastic, the better—and the names. Each year, as I sit down to watch 14 hours of the edge-of-your-seat action of the NFL Draft, she asks me what are the best names in the draft. Some of her favorites from the past have been Tye Gunn, Colt McCoy and C.J. Ah You.

Sports has had its more than fair share of amazing names. Let's take a look at some of the best names of sports.

Rusty Kuntz — When I was a kid, my older brother took the baseball card from me, and pinned it above his desk. I had no idea why.

Plaxico Burress — Sounds like his mother got his name off a kitchen cleaning product.

Majestic Mapp — The only thing better than this name, is his brother, Scientific Mapp. I'm not making this up.

Peerless Price — Not exactly the most appropriate name.

Knowshon Moreno — My spellcheck hates this guy

Earthwind Moreland — Mother named him after the band Earth, Wind and Fire. That's just mean.

Willie Dingle — Really. What were his parents thinking?

Anfernee Hardaway — "A-N-F-E-R-N-E-E? Can't you spell?"

Coco Crisp — Actually, his name is Covelli Loyce Crisp. Not like that's better.

Wonderful Monds — Actually, the correct name is Wonderful Terrific Monds. The Third.

I.M. Hipp — Just wow.

SirValiant Brown — His brother's name is Cody SirLancelot. Again, not making this up.

Chief Kickingstallionsims — Couldn't even imagine how his parents got to this name.

Lawyer Milloy — My wife loved it when Priest Holmes was tackled by Lawyer Milloy.

God Shamgod — So which is it? God, or shamgod?

Lucious Pusey — "Lucious! The porn industry is calling!"

Milton Bradley — His brother is named Hasbro.

Stubby Clapp — God, I wish this guy had made the big leagues so we could always here..."Now batting, Stubby Clapp!"

Ben Gay — Now, all we need is a guy named Prep H.

De' Cody Fagg — Best name in this year's draft.

And since, this is a equal opportunity blog, let us not forgot the women:

Ivana Mandic — James Bond's author could never write one this well.

That's all. As always, if anyone has a name I missed, please write it in.

8 comments:

Pete S said...

You've made my morning. I haven't heard the names Majestic and Scientific Mapp in years. Stubby Clapp! Are you kidding me! Since reading your comment I keep imagining Bob Sheppard announcing his name "Now batting, the left fielder...number 69, Stubby...Clapp...number 69."

P-Cat said...

Hey Pete,

Yeah, Stubby and Lucious Pusey. Can't stop laughing....

cajetan said...

Holy Clapp! That's good stuff.
Again - laughing out loud at work. Keep this commentary coming - it's great.

P-Cat said...

Sorry you guys are at work. Glad this helps. Come up with some names. I know I don't have them all!!

Pete S said...

That Lucious Pusey sheds off blocks almost like he's, well, wet! Good skill set for a linebacker!

Pete S said...

Oh yeah, the former Detroit Lion...

HARRY COLON!

Thanks, I'll be here all week!

ABS said...

Coy Bacon
Napoleon Barrel
Butler By'Not'e
Barbra Chrisley (MLB player)
Xavier Downwind
African Nigeria Grant
Xray Hipp (son of I.M.)
Trevor Hockey (soccer player)
Fair Hooker
Calvin Coolidge Julius Caesar Tuskahoma "Cal" McLish
Dick Pole
Ossee Schreckengost
Sonny Sixkiller
Tony Suck
Craphonso Thorpe
Morris Titanic
Willie Thrower (Bears QB!)
Dick Trickle
Mack Yoho

P-Cat said...

Can't believe I forgot Craphonso!! he was the idea that sparked this blog entry and I forgot him!! Dick Trickle is another fantastic one!!!