My wife, bless her soul, likes the NFL Draft.
Well, not really. But since she's forced to watch it, what she really likes is the crazy suits—the more pimptastic, the better—and the names. Each year, as I sit down to watch 14 hours of the edge-of-your-seat action of the NFL Draft, she asks me what are the best names in the draft. Some of her favorites from the past have been Tye Gunn, Colt McCoy and C.J. Ah You.
Sports has had its more than fair share of amazing names. Let's take a look at some of the best names of sports.
Rusty Kuntz — When I was a kid, my older brother took the baseball card from me, and pinned it above his desk. I had no idea why.
Plaxico Burress — Sounds like his mother got his name off a kitchen cleaning product.
Majestic Mapp — The only thing better than this name, is his brother, Scientific Mapp. I'm not making this up.
Peerless Price — Not exactly the most appropriate name.
Knowshon Moreno — My spellcheck hates this guy
Earthwind Moreland — Mother named him after the band Earth, Wind and Fire. That's just mean.
Willie Dingle — Really. What were his parents thinking?
Anfernee Hardaway — "A-N-F-E-R-N-E-E? Can't you spell?"
Coco Crisp — Actually, his name is Covelli Loyce Crisp. Not like that's better.
Wonderful Monds — Actually, the correct name is Wonderful Terrific Monds. The Third.
I.M. Hipp — Just wow.
SirValiant Brown — His brother's name is Cody SirLancelot. Again, not making this up.
Chief Kickingstallionsims — Couldn't even imagine how his parents got to this name.
Lawyer Milloy — My wife loved it when Priest Holmes was tackled by Lawyer Milloy.
God Shamgod — So which is it? God, or shamgod?
Lucious Pusey — "Lucious! The porn industry is calling!"
Milton Bradley — His brother is named Hasbro.
Stubby Clapp — God, I wish this guy had made the big leagues so we could always here..."Now batting, Stubby Clapp!"
Ben Gay — Now, all we need is a guy named Prep H.
De' Cody Fagg — Best name in this year's draft.
And since, this is a equal opportunity blog, let us not forgot the women:
Ivana Mandic — James Bond's author could never write one this well.
That's all. As always, if anyone has a name I missed, please write it in.