Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Steven A. Smith Award

One of our esteemed colleagues at another blog has it out for Chris Berman. While Berman has his moments of Mass Irritation, he doesn't get under our skin like some others. Which got us to thinking, who are the worst, most irritating, jerk-iest sports commentators working—for some reason—today? Here's our top 5—the winner gets the coveted Steven A. Smith Award for Overall Jerkiness in the area of Sports Reporting. Vote for your in the comment section.

Emmitt Smith:
Mr. Malapropism. Absolutely destroys the English language like no one since Ricky Ricardo. At least, though, Ricky had an excuse—he was from Cuba.

A chore to listen to or to understand. Enjoy the English as a third language Emmitt tribute.

Bill Walton:
A fool and a tool. Amazing that he actually was so good at the game, because he routinely demonstrates no knowledge it as a commentator. Once, Walton said Rik Smits was a Hall of Fame player and much better than Patrick Ewing, to the amazement of everyone else in the studio, who then spent 10 minutes trying to explain to him why he was so very wrong.

Sometimes just stuns with his bizarre, random and meaningless commentary. A game-ruiner.

Stuart Scott:

Does Stuart Scott really think he's that cool? That can be the only excuse for the constant self-promotion, the never-ending repeating of "boo-yah!" or "As cool as the other side of the pillow." A thorough redesigning of the point to be all about him and nothing about the game. Sure, a whole bunch of ESPN commentators and newscasters have catch phrases and try too hard to be funny—but few are in Scott's class for devotion to his own image. And for random acts of faux hip-hop. Has a page dedicated to his firing from ESPN.

Steve Phillips:
Actually a sad case. Never seemed to get over his own failure as a GM (Mo Vaughn, $46 million for 29 HRs and 170 SO? $11 million for Pedro Astacio?), and the fact that the Yankees beat him in 2000. Seriously, watch him, he will NEVER say anything nice about the Yankees. Ever.

Obnoxious. Makes fun of his colleagues. Insufferable. And usually wrong, blinded by his own prejudices. For instance, last year, he said ..."the Yankees were not going to make the playoffs in 2007. They are D-E-A-D." Which of course means that they would make the playoffs. He also seriously suggested that the Red Sox would trade Manny Ramirez to the Yankees. Yes. He did.

Terry Bradshaw:
A retarded hyena. The main reason I haven't watched FOX pre-game show in almost 20 years. Unbearable. A rusty nail on a chalkboard. A complete dillweed.

Fancies himself a Country/Western singer. Should go into it because he ain't a broadcaster. Loud, obnoxious. An embarrassment. The guy who does this makes Chris Berman look reserved and astute. Single-handedly makes me both embarrassed to be a football fan and an American. Just unwatchable.

The Man For Whom Its Named:
Steven A. Smith:
Truly the worst that, ESPN, and all of sports broadcasting, has to offer. Stuart Scott is jealous of his massive abilities of self-love. Refers to himself in the third person, even while not on the air. (See here for more: Will self-promote himself in any way possible, including the truly asinine.

His being heckled at the NBA draft by irate fans is a annual event. Has a web site dedicated to how bad he is. Wrote his column for the Philadelphia Enquirer in between his radio breaks on a BlackBerry. Was subsequently fired from said job. TV show bombed. Lost his radio gig quick, too.

Can flip-flop at the drop of a dime. Even when he makes a little bit of sense, Smith will focus on himself by freaking out and referring to himself. Loud. Obnoxious. Often wrong.

Guys, vote on your favorite or nominate someone else on the comment boards.


Pete S said...

Lou Holtz gets on my nerves. Enough already - he's too old and sounds like he has marbles in his mouth. I don't see any genius in his analysis, either. I'm Catholic and I went to NC State (where Holtz once coached) and I still can't stand the guy. The only thing worse I can imagine is if Lou Carnesecca went into broadcasting.

P-Cat said...

Good call on Holtz. He is a crazy old bat. Time to go way now. He's like a crazy old coot mixed with an angry old codger.

Anonymous said...

Ian Eagle makes every play sound like it's the Super Bowl. The first two points of a basketball game...a simple first down in football. He's solid as a studio guy and OK at sports talk though.

John Sterling is the all time worst...The Yankees WIN...ThhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuH Yankees win.

I usually yell, "Iiiiiiiiii'M a giant douche." after that.